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How do you feel being away from the kids?

Yay, my blog finally has a new face (read:theme). A motivation to keep me blogging more frequently, I suppose? ❤

So many things to write.

But today I will write abt my recent outstation.
But not focusing on the 'outstation'.

I have never been away from my kids. Oh, once before when Adib is 6 m.old. An overnight outstation to KL and that was it. So nak dijadikan cerita I had to attend another program in Png for 3 days from 28-30 Mar. Didn't see it coming. Turned out the date was after the school holiday break. So sempat la melayan the kids holiday dulu puas-puas.

Nothing much about the program. My attention was not 100% there though despite the course is so not related to me. I have too many concerns revolving in my mind at the moment especially that Sara has to school and I 'know' her, and Adib needed me when he wanted to sleep because he's still bf-ing, etc etc. So many things.

It feels bad to leave behind your "motherhood" duties to be carried out by others back at home. We were thankful for the help from my mom. Literally, my kids are overly attached to me. Pegi kedai pun I angkut semua tau haha. So knowing them, I admit it's not easy to take care of the 2 kids, with one missing her mom so badly she's easily burst into tears by just looking at her mom's video and messages, and the other one, how can I say abt him. Even tough somehow he still doesn't understand what was going on, but I believe he keeps on wondering "mana mama?", and day by day the answer that he gets is "mama work". And when he heard my voice through calls or video call, he will cry and refused to hung up. So sad. He refused to sleep, tido pun lambat, plus he woke up few times at night. Pastu merengek. And the first day he woke up pretty early which is around 5a.m. Hmm. Unlike kakak, bila mama takde dia boleh pula tido awal. Tapi tido dalam kesedihan. And she managed to wake up early and off to school pun very early. Most of the day she will reached school around 7.15. Hehe. Hebat Sara! Tapi kecundang jua di hari kedua due to fever.
And oh did I mentioned I wrote notes for Sara and leave it to MM to put it in her bags each day? It's another soft side of our little girl. She loves surprises. She values small things. So I made an attempt to write a note for her, to encourage her and sometimes the notes functioned as reminder for her; to suruh drink more water, do work faster etc. And it works! Cuma nya mama penat la oih tiap-tiap hari kena buat notes, 2 times per day pulak tu.

And those 3 freaking days is the most longest period in my life.
I cried almost every night ;(
But managed to watch 2 telemovies- online (Cinta Cupid and Kekasih Elektrik) to kill the time. Hehe.

On Thursday, it was around 4:30 pm when everything was settled and  I drove home.
Can't wait to hug my kids.

So that's the feeling of being away from your family, esp your kids. If you missed them, they surely missed you more. Or so I suppose, haha. Yes, it hurts. But what can we do? What power do we have? Selagi kita tertakluk kepada "Saya.yang.menurut.perintah" hadap je selagi mampu. Work demands. *sigh*
Terpaksa. Tapi kalau tahun ni dapat kursus di "J" lagi opcos I reject! Haha. Oopps!

Now I understand the feeling.
And I will not take my children for granted. Never!
I will cherish every moments I have with my kids, as long as I could.... as long as I live.

I am truly respect and salute those who is in long distance relationship, whom struggling with raising their kids alone and  whom far from their kids.

So to answer the question ↑,
No, I can't.

Pernah juga terfikir, nak pergi honeymoon or cuti with the hubs (or friends) without your kids around. Macam best je kan. Ya la some said what? To claim our 'me time' and whatnot. Mampu ke? Nah. Emotionally I am not. Mungkin boleh but for the time being, it's not my preference. I don't have the courage to chill myself when my kids are not with me. Over kan? This might sound poyo to certain people, but my current blessing yang I mmg bersyukur sangat2 skrg ni is - anak-anak and hubs sentiasa ada depan mata. Walau penat macam mana pun, even though sometimes I almost feel suffocated and I wish I can clone myself, Alhamdulillah. I couldn't be happier.

Sara, Adib, (anak2 mama)
You are my precious.
You are my happiness.


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I have a confession to make.


I am a lousy mom!

I am not an early riser. 

My favorite word is "Cepat! Cepat!"  Bcos I always almost late. And morning is always in a hurry. Morning at home is always a chaos. Especially now, with 2 kids! Ape ni???? Shame on you Suhana. Sigh!

I am nor a morning person neither a night person. I am only at my full pace during mid-day (after 9a.m) and early night. 

I always wanted to sleep early so that I can get up early. But I fail both! I just love to sleep. And so lazy to wake up. Sayang sangat tido tu hoih!

I was/am known as a committed person. My Master supervisor praised me (been told this by his phd student), he said I was his best student yada yada, my superior always labeled me as benchmark (when it comes to submission and dateline I mmg tip top phewwe), i can finish my task even before the due date, I (plan to) work to perfection and i will stressed out the latter. Haha!! See? How great was that?!
Great!?????!!?!??! Puihhhhhh…