Adib, my strong boy.

Adib.
Mama minta maaf.
I failed to understand you =(
Now that I knew it. I understand. I will fix it.

Mama dah faham kenapa Adib nampak reluctant nak pergi school, since the past few weeks.

Adib, jangan risau okay?
Mama is here, for you.
Ayah, kakak & Ayra too.
We are family. We help each other.

Adib started kindergarten since 2019. In fact dia dah start trial class since end of 2018. We enrolled him in Brai**bunch because 1.we confidence with the system. 2. Adib dah kenal few aunties in BB sbb selalu jumpa aunties masa Sara in BB, so yeah, that's it. 3. It's Monte*sori.

And everything was ok, about school.

Nothing seems to be worried.

Until,
few weeks ago.

He started to refuse school.
Especially in the morning.

Not refuse la. Tapi macam nampak dia tak nak pergi school. As he started to create so many excuses and mcm2 kerenah.
Nak bawa bekal la. Nak tengok tv la. Nak main game la (otw to school). Nak suruh ambik awal. Asyik tanya bila nak cuti. Nak stay kat rumah. And he even said school tak best, dok rumah lagi best.

And recently he mentioned about a friend of him. Danish nama budak tu. D tu last year (2019) was 6 yrs old. So this year dia dah start primary school.

Apparently, Adib ni rupanya rapat dengan D as he was also a fullday students. So they spent more time together walaupun tak sama class. But knowing Adib, dia memang suka berkawan dengan bukan rakan sebaya. Dia suka berkawan dengan budak yang lebih besar dari dia. Sebab Adib ni thinks differently compared to the kids his age. Sbb tu he prefers older kids to befriend with.
And turn out that, D is no longer in school, and never come back. So Adib confused. And keep on asking, danish mana?? repeatedly.

Last night, we had a leisure but deep talk before he dozed off.
He told me, Aunty cakap esok Adib jangan nangis. Esok Adib tak nak nangis dah.
And the rest of the conversations were :

A: Mama kenapa mama tak jadi Aunty kat school Adib?
M : ... Kenapa Adib nak mama jadi Aunty? Aunty kan ada.
A: Mama jadi la aunty. Mama kena masuk school Adib.
M : ooo.. nanti mama kena jadi pegi ofis macam aunty.
A : Mama jangan la pegi ofis aunty. Mama duduk dengan Adib. (dia dah mula sebak)
M : mama kan selalu pegi school Adib. yang mama duduk kat chair tu. Lepas tu yang birthday Adib, mama bawa kek tu. kan mama pegi school Adib.
A : tak nak. Adib nak mama masuk juga. Nanti mama boleh main sik sik ngan Adib, takde orang nak main dengan Adib.
M : Adib kan ada kawan. Adib tak main dengan kawan Adib ke?
A : Takde. Kawan Adib (Z) tu asyik marah je. (A) pula asyik merajuk je.
Adib nak kawan dengan D. Adib rindu D. Adib nak D je.
M : *cries in my heart* D kan dah pegi school mcm kakak.
A: Adib nak D je. Adib suka D. (start sobbing :( )
M : Adib jgn sedih. Adib kan ada mama. Mama doa Allah bagi kawan yang baik, yang adib suka macam D. Mama doa Allah bagi kawan baik kat Adib tau.
A :* Cries sambil peluk mama* then asleep.

And mama cries the whole night.

Masa ni, Ya Allah, buntu sangat. And I feel a pang of guilt for not being able to understand his emotion. Poor him. He's just a little kid. And those are what matters to him. Yang kita rasa biasa-biasa tu lah yang penting bagi dia.
Subhanallah.
Anak 3 tapi khilaf tu, nampak ketara sangat.
Mama oh Mama.

Mama nekad, mesti tolong Adib. There must be a way. Tak kisah lah apa cara tapi I know there will always be a way to solve whatevever problem we face.

Istikharah.
Malam tadi, mama sungguh-sungguh doa pada Allah.
Terasa kerdilnya.
Mama menangis puas-puas.
Mama cerita pada Allah.
Sebab mama rasa hanya Allah yang faham.
Hanya Allah yang boleh bagi solution pada kami.
Sebab Allah sayang kami.

Pagi ni,
bangun pagi, mama ceriakan Adib.
Adib mood pagi ni Alhamdulillah ok. He didn't cried a bit. Bangun, mandi ok, siap-siap, tengok tV sambil makan donut.

And then we're off to hantar Ayra and I sent him to school.
Dalam hati, macam2 zikir dan doa.
Rabbi yassir wa la tua'ssir.
Bismikallohi tawakkaltu 'alAllah

Mama yakin penyelesaian itu ada.
Mood Adib ok. Dlm kereta mama layan dia main game (mama tengok-tengok) je.

8:35 arrived in school.
Allah jawab doa mama. Allah tunjukkan jalan.
Aunty Syira hari ni on duty.
Rasanya dia pun nak jumpa mama Adib.

Adib turun kereta. Mood biasa. (dia mmg mcm tu). Lepas salam aunty, Aunty cakap kat dia "wah hari ni tak cry".
Mama peluk & sayang Adib. Dlm hati, mixed feelings. Allah saja tahu.

Alhamdulillah, niat mama pagi ni mmg nak cakap dengan Aunty. Allah izinkan.
Aunty yang start tanya. Dia kata dia tanya why adib cries.
Adib ckp mama marah. Then aunty cakap, ye la mama nak pegi kerja Adib tak nak school mara risau la. Things like that.

And then I told her the whole conversation.
Dia noticed, Adib mmg loner sikit. Sebab Adib jenis behave. Yes, he is prim and proper. Sama mcm Sara. Kalau org main ganas-ganas, bising-bising, nakal-nakal dia kurang nak join.
Aunty told me, Adib regards Danish mcm Abang. Sbb Danish besar. So Adib rasa mcm abang-abang. Sbb dia kan macam mature sikit (Adib).
Dengan Z & Z tu dia tak mix sangat.

So I guess things are clear between us. I mean Aunty knows his situation and I hope she knows how to fix things for Adib. InshaAllah. Allah akan tolong. Allah will replace his loss with something/someone better. Allah will take a very good care of him. Allah is the best planner.

So, I, will play my roll.
I want to be his best buddy.
I want be the person he can trust.
I want to be the best MAMA for Adib Naufal.
The best also for Sara, and Ayra.

Allah please help us.
Allah please guide us
Allah please forgive us.

Aamiin.. Ya rabbal'alamin.

Saving some memories of Adib & kawan-kawan yang dirindui.
Tengok gambar ni pun mama dah sedih..
It breaks my heart looking at these photos.
Be tough Adib..

Update : Adib, mama jumpa Danish dkt school kakak. I am 100% confident he was D. 100%.

Front : Danish, Isam, Adib