oh I am so a lousy momma :(

I was browsing through the internet, looking for the articles for "makanan untuk anak berumur setahun".Terjumpa blog menarik Ibu Cergas. Baca baca, dan baca lagi.. terasa Ya Allah, what a super lousy and malas mama I am. Kagumnya bila ada mama yang bangun seawal 5:30 pagi untuk bersiap pergi kerja whilst preparing food and stuffs for their kids. Oh. Insaf! Insaf! Saya sungguh insaf. Saya hanya bangun di waktu pagi pada pukul six:45 a.m. Lambat kan? Bangun2 terus kalut. Ok ok. Admit. I am not a morning person after all. I tried but failed successfully, again and again. Teruk kan saya? Yes. Indeed.

But that is not an excuse. If somebody said that it is an excuse, okay. Accepted. But it is a lame yet stupid excuse. 

When I read someone else's blog, flipping through her routine, etc etc, I realize that mine was beyond less busier and tougher than their's. I did do the same routine everyday. Well, if it was not the same it won't be a routine, isn't it? As I woke up, perform the solah, bermula lah aktiviti di dapur. Panaskan makanan Sara, prepare bekalnya, masukkan dalam thermal bag. Pastu EBM pulak, transfer thawed EBM ke dalam bottle, pastu susun2 botol dalam chiller bag. Pastu 2 beg tadi susun2 dalam beg pakaian Sara. Pastu prepare toiletries Sara pulak, pampers, wipes, etc (sebab bakul toiletries ni mmg favourite "toys" Sara). Pastu off to bath (sekejap je saya mmg mandi 3minit) then bersiap2. Masa ni kalau Sara tak bgn lagi ok lah, bole bersiap dengan cepat. Kalau Sara bangun she tends to follow her mama everywhere, being the usual clingy of her. Sara paling takut tgk orang sibuk bersiap pakai lawa-lawa, sibuk dia nak menangis takut org tinggalkan dia. 

I pump twice at the office. 11a.m and 4p.m. Malas kan? Bukan malas. Tapi mmg malas lah kot. I'd rather bermalas during break. But alhamdulillah Syukur my milk supply still maintaining well. I take my Shaklee Bf Set, Calcium everyday without fail.

After work, pick up Sara, MM take her to playground downstairs (downstairs la we live in staff apartment). While I busy myself prepare dinner, for us and for Sara as well. Sambil2 prepare untuk masak bubur Sara for tomorrow pulak. Basuh2 baju, kemas rumah a bit here and there, basuh botol2 susu yg bawak balik dari rumah BS, asingkan baju kotor Sara, pastu malam sikit masak bubur Sara, tunggu sampai bubur masak. Baru boleh rehat. off kejap2 layan Sara nak direct feed, cuddle her. She's been soooo clingy to me during night time. Pantang tak nampak mama mesti nak nangis.

Sibuk ke saya? Rasa mcm sibuk. Tapi rupanya ada lagi orang yang lebih sibuk dari saya, but she managed to do all by herself. Credit to her. 

I only feed her with descent meal 3 times daily. She did not take her breakfast at home. Tak sempat. uh. Alasan kan?? Padahal we could make it if her mama wake up a bit earlier, kan? Kesian anak mama. Dahla through out the night she has been sleeping and fasting (masa tido kan kita mcm berpuasa), she only had her first meal around 11 a.m. Ya Allah, tersentak daku. (Baru sekarang??????). Imagine, diri sendiri kalau tak bfast pun tak boleh buat kerja kan? Perut berbunyi2 kan? Duh. Sara, maafkan mama sayang. I was too busy having my leisure, good sleep, procrastinate  without knowing that I have been unintentionally neglecting you, my sweetheart. ;( 

Anyway, it's never too late. I am one lucky person to realize and regret it now. Better than never. (ayat nak sedapkan hati kot..). I don't want to be a lousy mother, no more. Starting from this moment, I will improve, wake up early, be really attentive to my daughter and most importantly prepare breakfast for her, feed her, cuddle her, love her more, early in the morning (before send her to babysitter's house)  

I might be having another kids, after Sara. It's true. InsyaAllah. But the kids are different. The experiences are different. Sara hanya berumur 10 bulan sekali sahaja dalam hidupnya, dan hidup kami. Sara was a baby once, before. And there were one thing I regret when she still was a newborn, i.e : I didn't get to breastfeed her as soon as she has been delivered. I am soooo helpless. So I want to cherish every moment of it. I want to memorize every moment of it. I want to make a bond that is not just unbreakable, but more than that. I don't want to be just any mom, ok, every one can be a mother. But I want to be the best mom, the best mama for Sara that she will love, trust and... her everything.

I swear, I promise I will not, will never missed any of the moments that is worth to be cherished. I.am.a.super.good.mama. I will be one!

Ya Allah, berikan lah hambamu ini kekuatan untuk melaksanakan tanggungjawab seorang ibu. Berikanlah aku kesempatan untuk menjadi MAMA yang TERBAIK buat SARA HANA BINTI MUHAMAD MUKHLIS.

Okay. Done with that. Nak pump sesi petang. 

GIGIH!!! Mesti GIGIH!!