Before I knew it, I ended the 'relationship' with him last night. No more hunting, no more grumpy, no more him. Tho we had known each other for few years, I don't think throughout the years of most of the time being far from one another is sufficient enough for me to say that I very well trust him. Maybe that is not really all about him. Maybe that's more about me. Maybe. Honestly I have to say that I still have the trust issue. I can't trust people easily. I tried. Couple of times. But I just can't. I guess I haven't try harder enough. *shrug*
To be frank. I can't pretend to be the coolest and tak-kisah girlfriend in the world despites all the things that matters to me and him such as his devotion to his work schedule, the whatever rugby and futsal tournaments, the running errands for sisters and whtsnot that pissed me off ; all those stuff that causes our rare meetings, I must have said that I am pretty much torn. Call me selfish, call me intolerable, I don't give a damn. It doesn't matter anymore. Nevertheless, I am suck in guts to tell him how torn and frustrated I was about how neglected he made me feel. I know that he trust me to be loyal, independent and understanding. But a little attention and TLC won't hurt, rite? And besides, I can't stay being continuously UNTRUE to him as well. Because I know how it feels being betrayed. So I chose to focus on only ONE.
However, I prefer not to disclosed of the 'untrue' part. I am sorry.
I am pretty much aware that he will come back to me. I know he will act like nothing ever happen and that last nite was just a normal row which he thinks is so his-lil'bug's-typically-childish-behavior.
Or maybe this time it will be the other way round? Maybe he won't come back? Because he thinks I blew it out? And maybe he might as well giving it up this time?
OK then why do I have to sound so desperate? After all it was me who put up the "end" word. *sigh*
My life as I knew is not over. As I sensed the huge bumps ahead of me, I seems to forget that I am blessed with the wonderful persons in my life; who loves me, cares for me and willing to be there whenever ups and downs I am.
This morning, I don't feel like waking up. But I can't help feeling cranky and annoyed with bloody numbers of SMS-es that keeps me awake from as early as 7a.m. I dreadfully moved from the bed. I am going to have the laziest, most indolent day in my life. But the uninvited noise outside wasn't just bothered, but makes me furious. Who on earth was knocking on the front door this early 10:30 a.m on Sunday morning?? This is soo not making sense. Really. Sick of the annoyances, I woke up from bed and open the door. God, I was stunned to see my best friend was in front of the door, holding up the plastic bag of 2-nasi lemak and my fave teh ais while nagging at me because she knew I am the kind of person yang tido-mati and to make things worse she ran out of credits to call. There it goes. Breakfast delivery on lazy sunday morning. How nice it would be? Gosh, I will never forget the fact that God loves me tremendously. Not ever. I am pretty much blessed with the greatest bestfriends. I knew it. I just knew it. And so we progress the day watching telly, laughing, chatting and relaxing at home until we had our delayed lunch at 4p.m @originalkayu and parted as we reached my house.
To effy, thanks for being such a dearly best friend to me. I heart you babe..
To be frank. I can't pretend to be the coolest and tak-kisah girlfriend in the world despites all the things that matters to me and him such as his devotion to his work schedule, the whatever rugby and futsal tournaments, the running errands for sisters and whtsnot that pissed me off ; all those stuff that causes our rare meetings, I must have said that I am pretty much torn. Call me selfish, call me intolerable, I don't give a damn. It doesn't matter anymore. Nevertheless, I am suck in guts to tell him how torn and frustrated I was about how neglected he made me feel. I know that he trust me to be loyal, independent and understanding. But a little attention and TLC won't hurt, rite? And besides, I can't stay being continuously UNTRUE to him as well. Because I know how it feels being betrayed. So I chose to focus on only ONE.
However, I prefer not to disclosed of the 'untrue' part. I am sorry.
I am pretty much aware that he will come back to me. I know he will act like nothing ever happen and that last nite was just a normal row which he thinks is so his-lil'bug's-typically-childish-behavior.
Or maybe this time it will be the other way round? Maybe he won't come back? Because he thinks I blew it out? And maybe he might as well giving it up this time?
OK then why do I have to sound so desperate? After all it was me who put up the "end" word. *sigh*
My life as I knew is not over. As I sensed the huge bumps ahead of me, I seems to forget that I am blessed with the wonderful persons in my life; who loves me, cares for me and willing to be there whenever ups and downs I am.
This morning, I don't feel like waking up. But I can't help feeling cranky and annoyed with bloody numbers of SMS-es that keeps me awake from as early as 7a.m. I dreadfully moved from the bed. I am going to have the laziest, most indolent day in my life. But the uninvited noise outside wasn't just bothered, but makes me furious. Who on earth was knocking on the front door this early 10:30 a.m on Sunday morning?? This is soo not making sense. Really. Sick of the annoyances, I woke up from bed and open the door. God, I was stunned to see my best friend was in front of the door, holding up the plastic bag of 2-nasi lemak and my fave teh ais while nagging at me because she knew I am the kind of person yang tido-mati and to make things worse she ran out of credits to call. There it goes. Breakfast delivery on lazy sunday morning. How nice it would be? Gosh, I will never forget the fact that God loves me tremendously. Not ever. I am pretty much blessed with the greatest bestfriends. I knew it. I just knew it. And so we progress the day watching telly, laughing, chatting and relaxing at home until we had our delayed lunch at 4p.m @originalkayu and parted as we reached my house.
To effy, thanks for being such a dearly best friend to me. I heart you babe..
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