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before I knew it..


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I can't do it. I just can't. There is no way of writing this entry without sounding like a paranoid crazy.

I woke up this morning feeling crancky, weak and spacey. For a moment I can't move. Then, hesitantly I sink back into bed, overcome by the most extraordinary weird feeling. Maybe I should just give up on the whole 'nightmare'. Forget abt it. Let it go. The chances are I'll never be able to do anything. I'm powerless. They have all the power; I have none. You people might think that I sound delusional. Its not just that.. I sound like a bitter, twisted lil girl with a grudge.

I dont wanna be a geek, a loser with no life. No way.

Plus, there's something else. Something nagging at me. A final piece of the 'jigsaw' still missing in my dazed brain. It will come to me might be in a minute, hour, day, or maybe a week.

But even as I'm thinking it I know thats not what I'm going to do. I cant forget about. I cant let go.

And its all so perfect as it is. I can't bear to rock the boat just yet. At least not now.


I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

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